oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
