The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
