just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im six kinds of drunk right now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
