eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this will be a night to untag.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
