he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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