Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
