we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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