I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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