Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
