When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
