where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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