I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
