He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
