Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I will pee on everything he values.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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