dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
