Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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