Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
