and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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