If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
