But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
