when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
