i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
