Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
