When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
