have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
