ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
