well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
