Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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