Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
