The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
