Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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