Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
