I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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