im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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