You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
