your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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