If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
