Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
