I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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