I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Someone shit on the floor
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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