My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
