I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
