I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
