Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
