Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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