Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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