that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she looked like the before picture.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
