Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need water and some morals
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
