so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
