just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
